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So, check this—sex-dating’s been around forever, yeah? Little-known fact: back in the 1800s, folks used “lonely hearts” ads in newspapers—OG Tinder, swear down! Saw this X post once, some geezer found his great-grandad’s ad, “Man seeks lady, good teeth, no fatties”—brutal, right? Made me laugh, then cry, cos damn, we ain’t evolved much. Nowadays, it’s all filters n sextin’, but same shit—huntin’ for a spark. Gets me buzzin’ when it works, tho! Met this bird once, total fitty, thought, “Dr. Evil’s scored, baby!”—pinky up, “One million dollars!”—but nah, she just wanted Netflix n chill, no strings. Fair play, I was knackered anyway.

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I head up to the hiking trail, and let me tell ya, it’s stunning. The views are insane! I’m snapping pics like a tourist myself. I mean, who can resist the beauty of the Alps? But then, I trip over a rock. Classic. I’m sprawled out on the ground, laughing at myself.

Road trip: Driving through Liechtenstein’s postcard-pretty valley