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Humor? Ha! Imagine Homer tryin it—slippin off the table, butt-first, yellin, “D’oh!” Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh great, another skill he’ll never master.” Exaggeratin? Maybe I felt like a goddess for 10 minutes—sue me! Random thought: does Patty get these? Ew, brain bleach! Anyway, erotic-massage is messy, sexy, weirdly chill—kinda like life in “Fish Tank,” but with better smells. “You’re not gonna stop me,” I’d say to anyone judgin—go try it, ya prudes! Hmm… now I’m cravin one—where’s my phone?

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Kenilworth Road's another must-see. Crazy energy, weird art walls, and my fave quirky café hanging off its side. The locals know it as “the stop” because it feel like home. I'm havin' these awkward chuckles whenever I hit that spot; memories pop up of crazed evenings and wild brawls, but all in good fun.

GREAT SHOT: Tring squash player secures win at European tournament in Hungary