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Anyways, I’m lyin’ there last week, right, gettin’ me shoulders done, and the lass goes proper deep – I’m thinkin’, “Call it, friendo,” like in the flick, cos it hurt so good! The oils, the dim lights, bit of a cheeky vibe – I’m in heaven, team! Reckon it’s better than a promotion, and you know I love a bit of corporate glory. Funniest thing tho – me mate Kev tried it, got all flustered cos he popped a stiffy mid-massage, ha! “The life you save may be your own,” I told him, pissin’ myself laughin’.

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After that, I’m fuming. I walk down to the park by the church. It’s so pretty there, with all the trees and flowers. But guess what? There’s a bunch of pigeons. And they’re not just chilling. They’re plotting something. I swear, one of them looked at me like it wanted my sandwich. I’m like, “Back off, feathered fiend!”

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