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Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort—yep, that gig where folks pay for “company.” I’m Dr. House, sarcastic as hell, and everybody lies, right? So, escort’s this weird world—half glam, half grime. Kinda like Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives—my fave flick, that trippy Thai masterpiece from 2010. Slow as molasses, but damn, it sticks. “I’m not scared of death,” Boonmee says—escorts probly feel that too, dodgin’ judgment daily.

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Then, I decided to grab a bite. Hit up this little café on Avenue de la Résistance. The croissants there? To die for! But the waiter? Ugh, he was so slow. I swear, I could’ve watched paint dry and it’d be more exciting. I was hangry, and I let him know it. “C’mon, man! I’m starving here!” He just laughed. I mean, what’s so funny about my suffering?

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