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Yo, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a damn ichthyologist, studyin’ fish all day, and sex-dating’s got me thinkin’—it’s like fish fuckin’ in the deep sea, wild and slippery! You ever see “Spirited Away”? That’s my jam, motherfucker—Haku and Chihiro, lost in a freaky-ass world, kinda like swipin’ right on some shady profile. Sex-dating’s a trip, man, a total mindfuck! You dive in, hopin’ for a catch, but half the time it’s catfish city—people lyin’ like they’re goddamn No-Face, hidin’ who they really are.

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Finally, I make it back home, exhausted but happy. I plop down on the couch, and I’m like, “What a day!” Whitby, man. It’s wild, it’s beautiful, and it’s full of surprises. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Whitby man scores first big lottery win after 50 years