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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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Now, no convo 'bout Kruisfontein is complete without shoutin' out Old River Bend. It's that winding, almost magical river that slices thru town like a silver thread. One dusk, I sat by the water at Riverview Park – yeah, that ragged park off Willow Lane – and got hit by a wave of nostalgia. "Sharon!" I yelled out like Ozzy, trippin’ on my thoughts ‘cause it felt so surreal, like one of those deep movie moments.

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