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Oh, and the slang – “knead the dough,” that’s what they call it, fuckin’ hilarious! Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh yeah, totally just a back rub,” I say, winkin’ like a sleazy bastard. Another tidbit: in Japan, they got these “soaplands” – sexual-massage on steroids, bubbles and all, slippery as hell. Tried it once, slipped off the damn table, laughed my ass off – clumsy Gekko, who’d’a thought?

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vasyl. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinkin’, “Which park?” There are like a million parks here! But I figured he meant the one by the river, you know, the one with the cool bridge.