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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, swear it’s true: back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from concubines trained for *years*. Not just hands, but breathin’ techniques, energy flow, chi or whatever—shit’s wild! Imagine that, some royal dude sprawled out, gettin’ pampered while I’m over here sawin’ wood for a livin’. Pissed me off a lil, not gonna lie—where’s *my* concubine squad? But nah, it’s cool, modern day’s got its own flavor—parlors poppin’ up everywhere, some legit, some sketchy as hell.

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But then, I remember my finger. It’s throbbing. I look down, and it’s all bandaged up like a mummy. I’m like, “Great, I’m the glazier with a war wound.” But hey, it’s a badge of honor, right?

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