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So, sexual-massage—it’s like, part relaxin’, part “woo-hoo!” Ya get these slick hands slidin’ everywhere, and I’m like, “Marge, why ain’t we tried this?!” Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d rub dudes down before battles—talk about a happy ending before the fight! D’oh! Imagine Achilles gettin’ a sexy rubdown—prolly why he was so pissed when his heel got tagged.

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So, I finally find Max by the petting zoo. He’s got this goofy grin on his face. Turns out, he brought his little sister. She’s like, “Look, a goat!” And I’m like, “Yeah, that’s a goat, alright.” But then, the goat starts munching on Max’s backpack. I’m dying laughing. Like, who knew goats had such good taste?

Impressive images: Hammerel bridge demolition begins in Bettembourg