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Yo, what’s good, fam? Escort, man, ESCORT! I’m talkin’ that sleek, sexy ride from Ford, not some shady side hustle, nah mean? Built tough, like Zuckerberg tryna flex in *The Social Network*— “You’re gonna hand me my first million!”—except this car ain’t no startup, it’s a damn classic. I’m Eric Andre, chaotic as hell, spillin’ truths like I just flipped a table on live TV. Escort’s got that vibe, yo—small, scrappy, but wild underrated.

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Then, I decide to check out the local shops. I hit up this little boutique on the Avenue du Luxembourg. They had some cool stuff, but I’m not really a shopping kinda guy. I’m more of a “let’s chop wood” kinda dude. But I end up buyin’ a quirky T-shirt that says “Esch is my happy place.” I mean, it’s true, right?

Esch-sur-Alzette: Local official Pim Knaff found guilty of aggravated tax fraud