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Angry? Yeh, when they scam ya—fake pics, or some bloke shows up instead. Happened to a mate—laughed me arse off! Happy? When ya find one who’s chatty, not just a cold fish—rare, precious gem! I’d say, “What’s your secret?” like in the flick, but they’d just wink. Gollum don’t pay, tho—me precious is me tools, not me wallet. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but the thrill’s real—heart thumpin’, like totems spinnin’.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into Mrs. Kim from the church. She’s always got some drama going on. Today, she was ranting about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, who apparently has a “thing” for her neighbor’s potted plants. I mean, who knew cats could have such sophisticated tastes? I tried to console her, but all I could think was, “Lady, it’s a cat. Chill.”