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Fun fact—did ya know in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out? Mental, right? I’d be chuffed to see that comeback—blonde wigs flappin’ in the wind, screamin’, “I’m here, pay me!” Dr. Evil—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars”—loves a bold move like that. Gets me giddy thinkin’ ‘bout it! But nah, seriously, it’s mad how they’ve been around forever—oldest job, they say. Still, peeps act shocked, like, “Oh no, a hooker!” Get over it, bruv.

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Prostitute Luxembourg, Mistress, Anal Sex (depends on the size), Cum in Mouth, Anal Sex (depends on the size).

After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Rue de la Libération. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that healthy life. I grab some apples, and this lady next to me starts chatting. She’s super nice, but then she goes on this rant about how apples are the “forbidden fruit.” I’m like, “Lady, chill. It’s just an apple.” But she’s all deep and philosophical. I’m just trying to figure out if I should get the red or green one.

After 80 years: Family-owned business Tapis Hertz closing its doors for good