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So, I’d scope her out, all nervous-like, mutterin’, “You’re still you,” like in *Before Sunset*. Total sap move, but it’d slip out—Homer’s heart’s big, ya know? She’d prolly laugh, say, “Twenty bucks, tubby.” Fair. I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me—ooh, that’d be a paddlin’! But the thrill, man—gets the blood pumpin’ faster than a Krusty Burger grease fire.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, and I trip over my own feet. I’m on the ground, face first in the dirt. Great. Just great. I hear some giggles. I look up, and it’s a group of teens. They’re like, “Nice fall, bro!” Ugh, so embarrassing. But whatever, I laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

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