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What gets me blood boilin’ tho – the liars. “6 foot, fit, funny” – turns up, 5’2”, smells like a brewery, tells knock-knock jokes. Fumin’! But then, there’s gold – met this one bird, total stunner, we vibed hard. Thought, “This is it, like the boys findin’ their dad!” Nah, mate, she just wanted a free dinner. “The sea’s too deep here,” as the film says – too bloody right, sex-dating’s a murky dive.

We’re all about confidence.

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After that, I decide to hit up the park by the San River. It’s so pretty there, especially in the spring. The flowers are blooming, and the sun is shining. I’m feeling all zen, right? But then, I see a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re running around like little maniacs, and one of them kicks the ball right at me. I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic me.

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