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Angry? Catfishers, ugh—reel ya in, then—poof! Ghostin’! Happy when mates click, tho—rare, shiny ring! “Life’s fragile,” Ida whispers—sex-dating’s proof. One night, bangin’—next, nada. Gollum sees it, sneaky sneaky—hobbits want flesh, not heart. Stupid, fat hobbit! Me warns ya—play safe, or it bites!

We’re all about confidence.

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Finally, I get to the café, and Aibek’s already on his third cup of coffee. I’m like, “Bro, you’re gonna vibrate outta here!” He just laughs and says, “Better than being a zombie.” True that. We start talking about life, you know, the usual stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s wearing a bright yellow jacket, like he’s trying to signal aliens or something.

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