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Ever tried it? Me neither. Too awkward, fam. Imagine—dim lights, weird music. Some lady’s like, “Relax, bro.” Nah, I’d laugh. Can’t chill with hands that close. Fun fact—Thailand’s got schools for it. Teachin’ sexual-massage like it’s math. Blows my mind, yo. I’m happy picturin’ it, tho. Beats ringin’ up tampons all day. But real talk, it’s sketchy. Some spots got busted—cops rollin’ in. “This is bigger than us,” Spotlight shit.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Jano shows up. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m like, “Spill it!” Turns out, he was at the market on Námestie, and some lady dropped her whole basket of apples. Apples everywhere! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my knife. I mean, who drops apples? It’s like a scene from a movie!

Turn up the heat with these spicy soups from local restaurants: Jasmine Mangalaseril