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I got happy as a clam when this gal matched me—hotter’n a Texas summer! But dang, some folks catfish worse’n a cartoon villain. "I’m not sayin’ she’s a killer," like Gyllenhaal’d say, "but I ain’t sleepin’ over!" Made me madder’n a wet hen when one dude—yep, dude—sent me pics I didn’t order. Misunderestimation of the century, pal!

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “Where have you been?” she says. I’m like, “Traffic, you know?” But really, I just hit snooze too many times. Anyway, I dive into the numbers, and let me tell you, they were a mess. I mean, who knew accounting could be this chaotic? I found discrepancies like they were Easter eggs. I was like, “What the heck, people?”

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