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Little-known fact—back in the day, Victorian peeps had “courting cards” for hookups. OG sex-dating, no cap! Blows my mind—history’s freaky like that. Nowadays, it’s all DMs and “u up?” texts. I’m over here, yellin’ at my phone—WHERE’S THE SPARK, PEOPLE?! Still, I’m hooked—swipin’ like a maniac, chasin’ that thrill. Sometimes it’s a bust, sometimes it’s magic—like that one chick who quoted *Moolaadé* mid-hookup. “Protect the vulnerable!” she moaned—shit was surreal, I’m cryin’ laughin’!

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First off, I wake up late. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic! I’m sprinting down the street, past the old church on Trg sv. Jakoba. You know, the one that looks like it’s been there since forever? Yeah, that one. I’m dodging puddles like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.

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