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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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First off, I’m an anticorrosion agent, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with rust and metal stuff. You know, keeping things shiny and new. Anyway, I had a meeting at this café on Rua da Conceição. Cute little spot, but the coffee? Ugh, it was like they brewed it with dirty socks. I’m sitting there, trying to look professional, but I’m dying inside.

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