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But here’s the kicker—gets dark, don’t it? Like in *Shame*, “You’re a weight on me”—that’s the vibe sometimes. Met this lass once, thought she’s peng, but she ghosted after one night. Gutted me, that did! Felt like a failed quarterly review—where’s my feedback, love? Then there’s the creeps—lads sending dick pics like it’s a CV. Pissed me off proper—have some decorum, you twats! Sex-dating’s meant to be fun, not a horror show.

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy from the matcha. I step outside, and the streets are glistening. Everything looks fresh, you know? I’m walking back, and I see this little shop selling handmade crafts. I can’t resist. I buy a cute little charm. It’s a cat. I’m a sucker for cats.

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