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Oi, mate, it’s Tyrion Lannister here—I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, right? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in for a treat. I’ve seen weirder shit in Holy Motors—y’know, that flick where a bloke’s drivin’ round, switchin’ lives like masks? “I am alone, and they are many,” that’s me tryna figure out why folks pay for this giggly rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just a quick grope—nah, it’s old as dirt, goes back to them tantric weirdos in India, twistin’ kundalini like it’s a bloody game. Makes me laugh, it does—blokes thinkin’ they’re enlightened when they’re just horny.

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So, I’m sippin’ my drink, and I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like, 90, and the light’s about to change. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you got this!” But she’s moving at a snail’s pace. I’m sweating bullets, like, “Is this how I’m gonna spend my day? Watching an old lady get run over?” But she made it! I cheered, and people stared. Whatever, I’m a hero in my own mind.

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