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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down to the beach. The waves were crashin’, and the vibe was lit. I’m walkin’ along the shore, feelin’ the sand between my toes, and then I spot this massive sea turtle chillin’ by the rocks. I’m like, “Whoa, dude, you’re living the life!” I whip out my phone to snap a pic, but it just swims away. Typical, right?

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