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Oi mate, so I’m a detective, yeah? Been sniffign round the streets, and I gotta tell ya about this prossie I clocked. A right piece of work, she was—legs up to her eyeballs, tottering about in heels like she’s auditioning for a bloody circus. Reminds me of *The Pianist*, that flick I love—y’know, Polanski’s 2002 gem. Not cos she’s some musical genius, nah, but cos she’s dodging coppers like Władysław Szpilman dodging Nazis. “I’m not going anywhere!” she’d screech, like she’s quoting the film, but nah, just drunk and lippy.

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So, I’m fumin’ a bit, but I decide to stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s a beautiful square, right? I love the vibe there. People chillin’, kids playin’, and the sun’s shinin’. I’m feelin’ a bit better, ya know? But then, I see this guy on a bike. He’s zoomin’ around like he’s in the Tour de France or somethin’. He swerves, and BAM! He crashes into a fountain. Water goes everywhere! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my phone.

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