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Fun fact, mate—didya know? Back in old sailor days, prossies’d wait at docks, flashin’ lanterns! Sneaky, eh? I’m there, thinkin’—am I in 1700s or what? *mumbles, spins, pretends to hold lantern* “Oi, lass, signal me!” Anyway, this gal, she’s chattin’ me up now—pimp’s gone, thank Christ. She’s all “Fancy a tumble, sailor?” I’m noddin’, grin big as me head—*slaps own face, wobbles*—cos I’m a twit, ain’t I?

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I’m sittin’ there, listenin’ to the judge, and this guy’s tryin’ to sweet-talk his way outta it. “Your Honor, I didn’t know!” Really? You didn’t know? It’s like not knowing the sky is blue. I’m fumin’ inside. I mean, I get it, life’s tough, but c’mon!

Plans confirmed for Athlone River Festival’s August return