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What gets me happy? When they trip in them daft stilettos—priceless! Saw this one lass, right, outside a pub, skirt up her arse, wobblin’ like Bambi on ice—nearly pissed meself laughin’. Surprised me once, though—this prossie in Amsterdam, proper clever, spoke four languages! Four! I can barely do English, and I’m meant to be a bleedin’ comic. Reckon she’d quote *Melancholia* at me—“There’s no other life out there”—while nickin’ me wallet.
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Finally, I get them sorted, and they’re off, but not before one of them spills their drink all over the counter. I’m just standing there, mouth agape, like, “Really? In my café?” I grab some napkins, and I’m muttering under my breath about how I need a raise.
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