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About Tilburg

Oi, mate, brothel, yeah? What a bloody riot! Picture this – dodgy blokes, stinking of desperation, piling into some grimy joint. I’m cackling already, you muppet! Me, a Personal Shopping Assistant? I’d rather shop for sanity than this filth. Saw this brothel once, right, tucked behind a chippy – classy, innit? Smelled like stale fags and regret. Reminds me of “The Master” – that flick I bloody love. “Man is not an animal!” – bollocks, mate, these punters are pigs!

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I walk down the Maashaven, and I spot this little café. I’m starving, so I pop in for a quick bite. The smell of fresh stroopwafels hits me like a brick. I order one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, enjoying my treat, when this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the history of Feijenoord, how it used to be a rough area but now it’s changing. I’m nodding along, but inside I’m thinking, “Lady, I just want my waffle!”

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