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About Alytus

Alright, listen up, you degenerates—erotic-massage, huh? I’m Dr. House, bouncer of truth, and yeah, everybody lies, especially when they’re oiled up and moaning. So, erotic-massage—slippery hands, dim lights, some chick or dude pretending they’re "healing" you. Total crap, right? But damn, it’s got its hooks in me. Watched *The Tree of Life* last night—Malick’s trippy masterpiece—and it hit me: “The only way to be happy is to love.” Well, guess what? Erotic-massage ain’t love, but it’s close enough when you’re desperate.

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But then, I got a call from the community center. Apparently, there was a mix-up with the event schedule. The yoga class was double-booked with a Zumba class. Like, how does that even happen? I had to rush back to the center on Kauno street. I was fuming.

Seven people die from legionellosis in Lithuania's Kaunas