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About Auckland

Oh, but once—don’t tell no one—I stumbled on this lass gettin’ one. Soft music, candles flickerin’, proper posh-like. She’s all “ooh” and “ahh,” and I’m thinkin’, “What’s this rubbish?” Then—surprise, precious—it’s not all filth! Some say it’s ancient, like from Egypt or summat. Healin’ vibes, they reckon—bollocks again! Still, made me giggle, her face all scrunched up happy-like. “The body resists,” like in “Moolaadé,” but she ain’t resistin’ squat!

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First off, I’m rollin’ outta bed at like 7 AM. The sun’s barely up, and I’m already regretting last night’s pizza binge. Ugh, why do I do this to myself? Anyway, I grab my coffee from the local café on King Street. Best flat white in town, no cap. The barista, bless her heart, knows my order by heart. She’s like, “The usual?” and I’m like, “You know it!”

Kitchen of the Week: Beautiful quartz too good to ignore, so plan changed