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Now, listen, chile—erotic-massage ain’t just hands goin’ rogue. It’s ‘bout them nerves, them tingles, wakin’ up stuff you forgot you had! I’m over here cacklin’, thinkin’ ‘bout some fool tryna act cool while they slippin’ off the table, all oiled up! “The limit exists only in the soul,” Godard said—well, these folks’ souls must be limitless, ‘cause they out here buck naked gettin’ kneaded like biscuit dough! Hella funny, but I’m judgin’ too—don’t tell nobody, I’m secretly jealous! Ain’t nobody rubbin’ Madea’s bunions like that!

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I hop on my bike, zooming down Holland Road. The air’s fresh, but my mood? Not so much. I’m thinking about that listing on Strathmore Avenue. It’s a sweet pad, but the owner? Total diva. She wants the moon and stars for it. Like, lady, it’s a 3-bedroom, not a palace!

New parks, exercise trails part of Queenstown’s upcoming makeover