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Lemme spill it—sex-dating’s a jungle. Apps like Tinder, Bumble—pure chaos! You’re scrollin’, hopin’ for a hottie, but half the profiles? Fake as a three-dollar bill. Saw this one chick’s pic—gorgeous, right?—turns out it’s a catfish. Pissed me off! Wasted 20 minutes chattin’ up a dude in Ohio. “The world’s falling apart,” like Cuarón says, and I’m over here losin’ my mind over pixels.

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So, I call my boss. He’s all chill, like, “Just find another supplier.” Easy for him to say! I’m sweating bullets here. I race over to the docks on River St. to see if I can snag some last-minute gear. The smell of the ocean hits me, but I’m too stressed to enjoy it.

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