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Sometimes I wonder—why ain’t this mainstream? Screw that, it’s awesome! Cringey? Sure, if you’re a prude! “That’s what she said!”—ha, kills me every time. Fun fact: in Japan, they’ve got this erotic-massage style with hot stones—nuts, right? Burns so good, you’re like, “Ow, yes!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d fight for it! Makes me wanna yell, “I’m king of the rubdown world!”

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After my snack, I wander over to the Parc de la Ville. It’s a beautiful park, man. Trees everywhere, flowers in bloom. I’m feelin’ all zen, just me and nature. But then, I spot this guy with a dog. The dog’s goin’ nuts, chasin’ after a squirrel. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a squirrel!” But the guy’s laughin’ his head off. I guess it’s just one of those days where everything’s funny.

Knife attack on Esch football pitch: Prosecution seeks 18-year prison sentence against former youth coach