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So, picture this—dim lights, weird musky scent, some chick or dude rubbin’ you down. I tried it once, got me thinkin’, “I can’t see the whole picture here.” Like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, sniffin’ out clues, I’m lyin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’—is this legal? Probs not, but who cares, right? Felt good, real good, till the paranoia hit. “What if this is a setup?” I mutter, all monotone, “Tonight’s the night I get busted.”

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Finally, we pull over, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a breather.” I’m tryin’ to calm down, but then I see this old lady trying to cross the street on Minquan Rd. She’s moving slower than molasses, and I’m like, “C’mon, lady, you got this!” But she’s just taking her sweet time. I’m losing it.

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