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Sex-dating, mates, it’s a bloody circus! Thee meets a lass, fair as summer’s morn, but lo— she’s got three blokes on the side, juggling ‘em like hot coals. Saw this once, a mate o’ mine, swore he’d found “the one” on Tinder— turns out she’d bedded half the tavern! Little fact for thee: back in olden days, folk’d use coded letters for secret trysts— now it’s all “u up?” at midnight. Pathetic, yet I chuckled ‘til me sides split!

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I start cutting, and he keeps talking about his “big plans.” I’m just trying to focus, but he’s rambling on about some business deal. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in a barber chair, not a boardroom.” Finally, I finish, and he looks in the mirror. He’s like, “Not bad, but I wanted more volume.” I’m like, “You want volume? Go to a concert!”

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