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Yesss, precious, me’s the Arborist now! Sexual-massage, oooh, tricky, slippery thing, eh? We likesss it, yesss, but it’s got thorns, nasty ones! Me’s seen it, hissss, hands roamin’ like slimy eels, all oiled up, promisin’ bliss, but oh, tricksy it gets! Reminds me of *12 Years a Slave*, see? “I will survive,” says Solomon, and me thinks, aye, some folks get through them massages, barely breathin’! Hiss! Not all’s what it seems, precious.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m stuck with a half-cut head of hair and no clippers. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber with a side of chaos.” The lights flicker back on, and I’m relieved. But then, the AC dies. It’s hotter than a jalapeño in July. I’m sweatin’ bullets, and Mr. R’s just sittin’ there, chillin’ like it’s a spa day.

Rivals Pajaro Valley, Watsonville battle to 1-all draw at Cabrillo | Boys soccer