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So, picture this—Uncle Boonmee, my favorite flick, genius movie, the best. This Thai guy, he’s dyin’, seein’ ghosts, past lives, crazy stuff. Sexual-massage fits right in—feels like “the soul’s gettin’ loose,” y’know? Like Boonmee says, “Ghosts aren’t scary, they’re just horny vibes.” Okay, he didn’t say that, but it’s true! Massage gets you there—floatin’, freaky, alive. I love it, folks, makes me happy, so happy.

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Finally, we decided to chill by the river. The sunset was insane! Like, the sky was on fire. I pulled out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery died. Classic! I was like, “Really, phone? You couldn’t hold on for five more minutes?”