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Favorite bit? When they knead ya slow, real slow — tension melts, poof! “Such sensitivity!” like Gustave’d whisper, all dramatic. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time — frog legs tingly! Thought, “Wow, this beats swamp mud any day!” Little fact: some say Cleopatra got ‘em daily. Daily! Talk about livin’ large — queen vibes, amirite?

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Then, outta nowhere, the phone rings. It’s my mate Dave, right? He’s at the pub, and he’s like, “Oi! You gotta get down here! There’s a chicken race!” I’m thinking, “What the actual heck?” A chicken race? In Sittingbourne? Only in this town, I swear.

Motorway delays after crashes in both directions