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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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But then, I see this guy trying to juggle. He’s dropping everything! I’m laughing so hard, I nearly spill my drink. I shout, “Hey mate, maybe stick to one ball!” He looks at me, grins, and says, “At least I’m trying!” Fair play, I guess.

Survey work for Northam Rail Bridge replacement may lead to lane closures