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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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There's this sweet, hidden spot I call “El Rincón de los Besos” down near Río Suspiro – yeah, the river's name is a bit cheesy, but it gives off mad sensual vibes at dusk. I once met a couple there who told me secrets about love and heartbreak, it really got me thinkin’, like that scene in Children of Men, right? "The thing for me is silence," if ya catch my drift. Totally deep.

Judge grants biker’s lawyer permission to withdraw from the case