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Got this mate, right, he tried escort once – proper posh service, he said, cost him a kidney! Swears it was all classy, champagne an’ heels, but I’m like, “Mate, you’re deluded!” Happiness hit him hard tho, grin wider than a bantha’s arse. Surprised me, it did – thought he’d get scammed, not pampered. Little known fact, yeah? Some escort gigs got code words – “roses” for cash, sneaky bastards.

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Outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at me. I thought I was in trouble or something. Turns out, she just wanted to know where the nearest bus stop is. I point her to Strada Călărași, and she’s like, “You’re a good kid!” I’m 30, lady! But hey, I’ll take the compliment.