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The rubdown’s all “sensual”—big whoop. Hands slidin’ everywhere, prolly places you don’t even want. They say it’s “therapeutic,” but I ain’t buyin’ it. One time, heard this story—some masseuse in Thailand used her feet, walkin’ on backs like a damn tightrope. Freaky, right? Prolly hurts like hell—good, builds character. But erotic? Pfft, gimmick. I’d rather sandpaper my ass.

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Then, I get a call from my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about the project.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a vibe!” But I can’t ignore him. So, I walk over to the park, trying to find a quiet spot. But it’s loud! Kids are screaming, music’s blasting. I’m like, “Why can’t I catch a break?”

Dayton-area restaurant's second location coming to former mall property