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About Malmo

So, I tried it once—don’t judge me! This chick, swear she had hands like a freakin’ angel. Slippery, slow, got me feelin’ like I’m floatin’. Made me happy as hell—stress gone, poof! But then, there’s this shady joint downtown—guy smelled like old socks, pissed me off big time. Don’t pee on my leg and say it’s “sensual,” pal! I walked out, yellin’, “I’m not a concierge, I’m a judge!” Total waste of 50 bucks.

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First off, I hit the cobblestone streets of Stora Torget. You know, that big square where all the tourists flock? Yeah, that place. I’m walkin’ and trippin’ over my own feet, like a total klutz. I swear, I almost face-planted right in front of a group of tourists. They were takin’ selfies, and I’m like, “Dude, you want me in your pic? I’m a real-life watchmaker!” But they just laughed. Rude.

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