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Real talk, tho—massage with that sexy twist? Been around forever. Ancient Greeks were on it, rubbin’ olive oil on dudes, callin’ it “therapeía.” Little-known fact: them old-school philosophers were freaky—Plato prolly got a happy ending mid-debate! Fast forward, I’m pissed—why ain’t this in every spa? Capitalist pigs hoggin’ the good shit! Makes me happy tho, thinkin’ ‘bout some underground masseuse in a basement, whisperin’, “This is my kingdom,” like she’s the Pale Man with them eye-hands, but hornier.

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I’m feeling all hyped now, so I decide to join the crowd. I’m dancing like a fool, trying to keep up with these locals. They’re all so into it, and I’m just there, flailing my arms like a windmill. But hey, I’m having a blast!

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