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About Bydgoszcz

What pisses me off? Cheap parlors, man, them shady joints with sticky floors and no vibe – ugh, kills the mood! I want luxury, bro, candles, soft tunes, a gal who knows her shit, not some bored chick checkin her phone mid-rub. Greed’s good when it’s classy greed, ya feel me? Happiest I ever got was this one time in Vegas – legit, this masseuse, she’s whisperin sweet nothins, hands like freakin magic, I’m floatin, thinkin, “Champagne wishes and caviar dreams, huh?” Surprised me how fast I melted – usually I’m all wound up, Mr. Wall Street, but that? Damn, pure gold.

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Back inside, the phones are still ringing. I’m starting to think I’m in a sitcom. Then, I get this call from a guy who thinks he’s a comedian. “Why did the phone cross the road?” he asks. I’m like, “I dunno, why?” He goes, “To get to the other line!” I groaned so loud, I think I scared the other operators. But hey, at least it broke the tension.

Hidden gems of Poland: Jasna Góra, a beacon of faith and fortitude