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Best part? The buildup—slow, steamy, like “Holy Motors” draggin’ ya through its madness. Worst part? When they half-ass it—lazy strokes, no passion. Don’t waste my time! “I’m not here to be bored,” I’d growl, quotin’ Oscar—“I’m alive, make me feel it!” Sexual-massage should hit ya soul, not just your back!

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Finally, I hang up, and I’m like, “What just happened?” I need a drink. So, I hit up a bar on Ulica Sergijevaca. I order a local beer, and it’s like liquid gold. I sit there, trying to forget the chaos. But then, I overhear some tourists talking about the Roman ruins. They’re all excited, and I’m like, “Yeah, Pula’s got history, but have you tried the gelato?”

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