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So escort gigs—drivin’ VIPs, celebs, or maybe some sketchy oil baron. I’d be hyped to roll with that crew, but pissed if they stiffed me on gas money. Little known fact: back in the ‘60s, escort drivers for presidents had to carry Tommy guns—wild, right? Imagine milkin’ cows one day, then blastin’ down the highway with a machine gun next. Surprised me when I heard that, legit jaw dropper.

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. I set up my stall, and people start flocking. I’m handing out samples like I’m Oprah. “You get a cinnamon roll! You get a cinnamon roll!” Everyone’s loving it, and I’m on cloud nine. But then, this one lady, she’s like, “These are too sweet.” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a cinnamon roll! What do you expect? A salad?”

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