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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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Then, BAM! The kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid’s cryin’, and I’m like, “Don’t worry, buddy! I got this!” I climb up the tree like a monkey. I’m halfway up, and I’m thinkin’, “What am I doin’ with my life?” But I get the kite down, and the kid’s face lights up. That made my day, for real.

Chris Ekonomides Obituary May 1, 2023