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So, anyway, I’m harvestin’, and I’m picturin’ this massage joint. Dim lights, weird music, some lady named Svetlana whisperin’, “Relax, Larry!” And I’m like, “Relax? I’m tense as hell!” That’s the thing—erotic-massage sounds hot, but I’d ruin it. I’d be rantin’— “Why’s your hand there? That’s too close!” Meanwhile, it’s supposed to boost your circulation or some crap. Little known fact—there’s this study, says it lowers stress hormones. Cortisol? Yeah, that jerk hormone. Drops like a rock after a good rubdown. Surprised me, honestly—thought it’d just make ya paranoid!

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I head back to my favorite spot, the park by the river. It’s peaceful there. I sit down, take a deep breath, and just soak it all in. The sound of the water, the laughter of kids playing. It’s a vibe. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my editor. “Where’s the article?” Ugh, pressure!

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