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So I search more, ask old man, he say, “Go alley, night time.” I go, see girl, she dance, very nice! I say, “You my wife now?” She laugh, “50 dollar, 10 minute!” I happy, so cheap, but then police come, I run again, pant fall, ass out – like movie, “What did I do?!” chaos, yes? Exaggerate? Maybe, but feel like elephant chase me!

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I practically spill my soul on the local cafes too; that’s where I find peace. Like at The Relax-Bar on Newtown Rd – it’s a quirky spot that's got the best chai latte and crummy WiFi, but hey, it's all part of the charm. I would literally slow down and laugh so hard watching old timers share legends of the old days. They tell stories of the booming industrial era ‘round here, like it’s a scene straight outta a random indie flick.

Whistleblower murder: Vereeniging engineer slain after report of 4 500% Transnet contract price inflation