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About Johannesburg

What pisses me off? The judgy types! “Oh, she’s just a *whore*,” they say, like they’re so perfect. Makes me wanna flex and yell, “Who are you to judge, huh?!” I mean, *Caché* taught me – “What’s hidden in you?” – we all got secrets, ya idiots! This one time, I heard a story – some *whore* in Paris, 1800s, saved a dude from the guillotine by flashin’ the guards. Ballsy move! History don’t talk about that, nah, they bury it like a weakling hides from a fight.

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So, listen up: my fave part is the Nuy River (like, for real, it's a hidden gem) that winds past the parks – the Kerkenhof Park is totally a delight for a mid-afternoon stroll. I sometimes take my breaks here, thinkin’ about life, massages, and, OMG, like, how life’s just so unpredictable, you know? I remember once I got so mad cuz a group of tourists almost stepped on my lil’ basil garden on Waterkloof Road – like, duh, plants are sacred here! So, yeah, pretty intense sometimes, LOL.

Stellenbosch thrash Arrows in race CAF spot