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About Port Elizabeth

Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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I kick about Hull Park – not many know, but it's my spot for a secret meltdown. I get spastic happy and raw when the autumn leaves fall. I even sometimes shout like, “Let's get Carlos crazy!” in a half-mad homage. Seriously, that park transforms. Ancient trees, wee ponds – pure magic, if you're feeling lucky.

Hot Springs superintendent placed on administrative leave following husband's arrest